Nov. 19--RESTAURANT SPEAK -- yes, there is such a thing. And I'm not talking about "Adam and Eve on a Raft" or any other vivid order codes, shouted by servers to the cooks in the kitchen.

Through the years, the front of the house seems to have developed a vocabulary of its own. A recent Miss Manners column listed some of the culinary cliches you hear while you are trying to polish your plate:

"Are you still working on that?" "Enjoy!"

And the inevitable ... "Is everything all right?" (In the whole world you mean? That's a pretty open question.)

But other vocal tics can annoy diners, too. The question, "Are youse guys ready to order," for instance, is common in Western New York, but it drives people nuts on two counts.

"Youse" is the first one. Diners hate the word. English is a weird language and the plural of "you" is "you." Go figure.

Maybe the server could finesse the situation by simply asking, "May I take your order now?" or just looking hopeful while holding a pad and pencil.

The other irritant has to do with the word "guys." You'd be surprised at the vehemence of reactions.

If it's an informal restaurant, I'm tempted to say, "So what?" Maybe "guys" is meant to be friendly or cute. (It's up to you whether or not you really want a cute server.)

But the other reason, the reason the term is used, I guess, is because our mother tongue fails us once again. Let's say the server is working with diners of the female gender and substitutes the word "girls." I personally will object here. I think the term is silly; I'm not a girl and haven't been for some time.

Or should the server say "ladies." I'm not one of those either, and there's a slightly mocking quality there. On the other hand, the term "women" may be correct but in this context it could sound like an arrest is imminent.

"Gentlewomen" (like "gentlemen")? That's probably not going to fly, either.

But while I'm on the subject, there are a couple of other common restaurant questions that people don't like, although more is involved than just words:

"Who gets the roast beef? Who gets the tuna?" (Whatever.) Good servers know who ordered what. Plenty of mnemonic devices exist to help them.

And finally, how about this: "Do you want change?" That's said once big bills are placed on the table. And yes, it could be a plea for a bigger tip. Or maybe it's just a gentle reminder.

My advice? Let that question die a merciful death. A server should always bring change unless the person who's paying indicates otherwise.

That person could say, for instance, "That's all right," when putting down the cash. The subtext there is "keep the change."

Come to think of it, that's a form of restaurant speak all its own. And, you're right, I admit that none of this may really matter in the long run.

If the food in the restaurant is good and everyone is pretty comfortable, well then hurrah! No need to fuss about semantics.

jokun@buffnews.com

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